Category: memoir

The Storm

Blurring her vision,
Water brimming,
Her eyes set,
On a specific wall,
She won’t blink,
No tears escape,
She bleeds inside,
She spins around,
She is all smiles,
She won’t speak,
Her voice would halt,
She would stammer,
Crying choking her throat,
The storm swirling deep inside,
But a facade of calm,
She wears,
For those of you there.

The mistake

A few metres away from a temple, a 12 yr old girl was standing on a bridge overlooking a river. She was leaning on the bridge, watching numerous diyas (earthen lamps) floating away along with little hibiscus flowers. People come to this temple, to worship, in order to get a better life, pray for their or their children’s success and also redeem for their sins, to ask His forgiveness. They say, one dip into this river washes off all the immoral acts. Such a holy place. Paradise of hope.

She stood their, cold breeze slightly unruffling her hair. She felt a hand on her side, she shifted a bit, distancing herself from the man it belonged to. He came a bit closer, she shifted again. This continued until she had no more room to do so. He inched closer until his hand rested on her left breast. She looked at the man, but he was staring at the temple. She walked away to the other side of the bridge. Silently.

She always thought it was a mistake. That day, the next day, everyday. A girl of that age in an Indian society, how much does she know to judge? Sexual abuse? Who would do that to a 12yr old? It was all a mistake. Yes, it was. She thought. These things were all over the newspaper, but the newspaper didn’t interest her. At least not the serious crime portions. So she continued, oblivious. Until one day she grabbed the newspaper, with a new born curiosity to know the world at large. There she read about these. So many suffered. Some older than her, some younger.

Now she knows, how much intentional the whole incident was. No, she can’t go back and punish him. No, she can’t go back to that moment and slap him or scream. No, she won’t be able to see if he had changed or he is still the same. Maybe she doesn’t even remember his face, it has been long, and it was dark enough. But she knows what it felt like. To be taken advantage of. And deep down she has made a solemn promise, never would she allow it to repeat again.

For the next

A whole new life,

Is waiting for me,

On the other side of this hell,

Waiting to be embraced,

Desired to be loved,

I just need to go there,

Cross whatever is in between,

Not retreat midway,

And discover it,

Leaving behind all hate,

Embarrassment and disappointment,

In this world, 

For the next on the other side.

Thank you

Thank you for changing me,

For better to be more precise,

Thank you for doing what you did to me,

Because if you hadn’t,

I would not have been here,

Fighting for what I want,

Thank you for making me more independent,

As after you I realised I can do it alone,

Thank you for making self-dependable,

For making me believe in myself,

Thank you.

Thought≠3

Sometimes I wish to start afresh
 
Anew,

Make a new beginning,

So that I could end it right,

Not do the nonsense stuffs,

Keep my head out of trouble,

And what more?

Not to let them go, 

Those who I loved and yearned for,

But then I need to swallow the hard truth,

That is the path I left behind,

My past,

Can only be in my memories,

I can never go back to it,

I can only move forward,

Venture forth,

Learn the hard lessons and continue this journey.

Won’t I be able to achieve it?

Won’t I be able to achieve it?

I have worked so hard,

Had made so many sacrifices,

Then how can I lose hope now?

How can I let myself down?

I know I can do it,

I know that missing link,

I have the key to it,

I would unlock it and achieve what I desire,

Then why do I lose hope?

Why do I feel that I won’t be able to prove myself?

Why do I fear that I won’t be able to achieve it?

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A Thought#2

Sometimes I wish to cry,

But tears fail me.

I wish to scream my lungs out,

Express what I feel,

But can’t find my voice.

The only thing that I can do,

Is feel a excruciating pain,

Killing me from inside.